Be Firm, Be loving & Be consistent!
Do you sometimes feel that discipline is becoming a daily struggle? Learn how to help your child find better behaviour skills with these tips! Remember:
1) authentic praise, 2) consistency using consequences, and 3) telling instead of asking your child to do things.
1) authentic praise, 2) consistency using consequences, and 3) telling instead of asking your child to do things.
Praise good behaviour immediately and often. While it’s easy to notice and react immediately to negative behaviour, parents should remember to respond just as quickly to good behaviour. Positive reinforcement is the best behavioural tool!
Be Clear - and use respectful Firmness
Don’t ask, tell. Don’t start your requests with “Would you like to...?”, or finish them with “Okay?” Instead, give clear and succinct instructions like: “Please pick up your coat from the floor.” Only state exactly what you want them to do. If your child doesn’t respond to your first request, try saying it one more time in another way. Kids respond differently to requests so saying things in different ways may lead to a better response from your child but don't continue repeating the request again and again... take action.
Use direct eye contact. When you look at each other eye-to-eye your child can’t ignore you and will listen more attentively to what you’re saying. Ask your child to look at you when you explain why a certain behaviour is unacceptable or when you are requesting a change in behaviour. Use simple, precise language to be more effective.
Strengthen your relationship. Spend one-on-one unstructured time together, even 15 minutes a day with your child lays the groundwork for a strong bond with your child. The closer you are, the easier positive reinforcement of good behaviours will be in the future.
Remember you are the responsible adult ("the boss"). Explain how it is your job is to guide them into becoming healthy, responsible adults. Also, help them understand that playing video games and watching TV are privileges you’ve given, not a right. Child psychologist Douglas Riley says, “Kids need to know that access to the phone, TV, and computer have to be earned by showing positive behaviour and a good attitude.”
Use Consequences
Have a clear plan of action before an incident occurs. Explain consequences for misbehaviour ahead of time. Clearly defined boundaries and rules will help guide you when the bad behaviour happens and won’t surprise your child. In fact, consider the consequence as the "child's choice" since he or she already knew about the planned consequences.
These consequences should involve taking away privileges and really bad behaviour like hitting should result in an extended time-out (generally use the rule > a minute per year based on age & up to 30 minutes for children over 8, or an hour for adolescents). A "time-out" means removal from both the current situation and any other pleasurable situation (such as use of electronics - like tv, ipad, laptop - OR playing with friends or toys). The goal of a time-out is for the child to be bored enough that the time-out becomes unpleasant and therefore, acts as a deterrent from bad choices.
Follow through is key! Stick to the consequences, no matter what! First, discuss the behaviour and make sure your child understands why the behaviour was wrong. Remember to keep the discussion succinct, concrete, and concise! Do NOT talk too much or the child will simply tune out.
A parent has to be 100 percent consistent in addressing poor behaviour. Otherwise, the bad behaviour is unintentionally reinforced, persists and often gets worse!
